I do keep thinking it must be confirmation bias but you are right, it really does feel like I see and hear a lot about third children. I am glad to know its not just me.
This isn't something I could ever have imagined, before being here. Painting Neve's absence is also powerful, a way to focus on the Neve shaped grief in our life. xx
Yes, I also feel the palpable absence and see the child that others don’t see. It can be excruciating. I worry a lot about Jesse being judged as a first born, oldest child, only child when all I see is a cheeky second child, who only makes sense as a little brother. I wonder a lot how misjudgements will impact on him at school and in life. I desperately miss Larsen in the space he so perfectly occupied as sensible, sensitive big brother. Thank you for sharing, Emily. Your words put colour into Neve’s space for us all to see xxx
This is powerful, thank you Holly. Your words make perfect sense. The absence, the invisibility of the sensible first born. Jesse is who he is, in part, because he is Larsen's little brother. But the world can't see that. I guess we never know which absences there are for the people around us. Whether they spend their days filled with sorrow for something we can't see. xx
Sep 19, 2023·edited Sep 19, 2023Liked by Emily Tammam
Yes, holding space (collectively) is so important. I bristle when people have commented that I'm now the eldest sister, or that I'm going to take certain things on that were my sister's. No. I'm the middle sister always. Nothing in me can take her place.
Yes! I had not even thought about it quite like this but you are right, this applies to everybody, adult and child. Jen was so clearly the eldest sister and she is still the eldest sister. It's like we all need little signs. Mother of 4. Middle sister. Second child. ...
I have mentally tallied up how many third children we have met in hospital. Just looking for an explanation
I do keep thinking it must be confirmation bias but you are right, it really does feel like I see and hear a lot about third children. I am glad to know its not just me.
The idea of loving an absence is so beautiful and powerful, Emily. Thank you for sharing.
This isn't something I could ever have imagined, before being here. Painting Neve's absence is also powerful, a way to focus on the Neve shaped grief in our life. xx
Yes, I also feel the palpable absence and see the child that others don’t see. It can be excruciating. I worry a lot about Jesse being judged as a first born, oldest child, only child when all I see is a cheeky second child, who only makes sense as a little brother. I wonder a lot how misjudgements will impact on him at school and in life. I desperately miss Larsen in the space he so perfectly occupied as sensible, sensitive big brother. Thank you for sharing, Emily. Your words put colour into Neve’s space for us all to see xxx
This is powerful, thank you Holly. Your words make perfect sense. The absence, the invisibility of the sensible first born. Jesse is who he is, in part, because he is Larsen's little brother. But the world can't see that. I guess we never know which absences there are for the people around us. Whether they spend their days filled with sorrow for something we can't see. xx
Yes, holding space (collectively) is so important. I bristle when people have commented that I'm now the eldest sister, or that I'm going to take certain things on that were my sister's. No. I'm the middle sister always. Nothing in me can take her place.
Yes! I had not even thought about it quite like this but you are right, this applies to everybody, adult and child. Jen was so clearly the eldest sister and she is still the eldest sister. It's like we all need little signs. Mother of 4. Middle sister. Second child. ...